Heart to Heart
by Shadow-Phoenix-Rider
Summary: After the incident on Edolus, Shepard appreciates the downtime afterwards. Especially when company arrives to join her; company in the form of one Kaidan Alenko...


Killing a thresher maw in a Mako should have been a celebratory occasion, but Akeelah Shepard couldn't manage anything more than a lopsided smile. Admiral Kahoku's men were still dead, and the fact she would have followed them if it wasn't for her lieutenant's timely intervention dampened her mood. They still had to deactivate the phoney distress beacon, but they appreciated the break from the mission for the moment.

She was sat at the mess table, nursing one of the brews Engineer Adams had snuck aboard, when someone sat down in front of her.

"Lieutenant." She murmured as she lifted her green eyes to meet the biotic's brown.

"Commander." He replied, bowing his head respectfully. "See you got some of Adams' stuff."

"Seemed appropriate, considering." Shepard said, eyeing his drink, which was steaming and brown, in a thick cup. "You're not?"

Kaidan shook his head, carefully.

"Decided against it," he said.

She narrowed her eyes at him, sensing an evasion. She cast her mind back to a discussion she'd had with Chakwas on their way to Therum, hitting on an answer.

"You can't mix your meds with alcohol," she said, quietly and carefully. She knew she was right when his eyes widened. "Chakwas told me you have migraines because of your implant," she explained, "I presume that fight triggered it?"

He said nothing, but she could sense his answer in the way he slouched slightly, leaning into the dark.

"I'm fit for duty," he said, eventually. "You don't need to worry, Commander."

"I wasn't." Shepard looked him over. "The fact you held your own against that maw is enough for me."

The sentinel held her gaze, and she could almost see the gears turning in his head. What about, however, she would never know.

A silence had settled when the soldier spoke again.

"I need to thank you for saving me from that maw," she said. "If you hadn't pulled me away…" She shook her head, banishing the dark images that flitted to the forefront of her mind.

"Figured it was payback for you pulling me away from the beacon." He replied. "I'm sorry it-"

"Not your fault." Shepard interrupted him. "I meant it the first time. You didn't know it was going to do that. None of us did."

"I guess." Kaidan looked away, letting the conversation close there.

They sat in silence for a while, the lieutenant drinking his tea whilst the Commander took some shots from the…whatever type of alcohol she had. She should ask Adams what exactly it was.

"Commander?" Kaidan spoke softly. "May I have a minute?"

"Sure, if it doesn't bother you." She tilted her head to the side questioningly.

"I've taken my meds, like you said." He replied. "I'm good to sit and talk."

"Good." Shepard nodded. "Besides, I always make time for my crew."

"Good to know." Kaidan shifted in his seat. "Off the record, I think there's something wrong with our mission. This Saren's looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can't get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There's writing on the wall here, but someone isn't reading it."

The soldier managed a soft, half-hearted chuckle.

"I think that the Council wants to believe everything's fine. I'd call it human nature, but…" She shrugged, a lopsided smile on her lips.

"I hear you." Kaidan nodded. "It just seems like a group that's been around as long as the Council should see this coming."

"It is their job, kinda." Shepard agreed.

"Yeah, exactly." The biotic put his tea down on the table, considering. "It's funny. We finally get out here, and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers."

Akeelah's brows raised. That was point of view she hadn't heard in a long time.

"Well well, Lieutenant. Sounds like you're a romantic. Did you sign up for 'the dream'? To secure man's future in space?" She said, a smirk playing on her lips.

She was sure that she could see a deep red blush blooming on the biotic's cheeks, and he chuckled nervously.

"Y-Yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Where the hero goes to space to prove themselves worthy of the one they love." His brown eyes shyly darted away from hers. "O-Or, you know. For justice." His gaze returned to her. "Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp-"

"Uh, what?" Akeelah interrupted, frowning with confusion.

"Ah, sorry," Kaidan apologized, "'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training'." He sighed. "I'm not looking for 'the dream', I just want to do some good. See what's out here." He shifted in his seat, a half smile on his lips. "Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn't a big focus back in BAaT."

Shepard chuckled.

"You do realize you're talking to someone who used to run in gangs when she was a kid?" She pointed out. Kaidan gave a breathy laugh.

"Fair point."

"Tell me about BAaT?" She asked curiously.

"'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance' didn't last past the airlock." Kaidan explained. "To the kids they hauled in, it was 'Brain Camp'. Sorry, 'hauled in' is unkind," he said. "We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled'." Shepard was surprised to hear a sarcastic tone to his voice, but she said nothing. "There are worse results of 'accidental' exposure to element zero in the womb." He continued. "Beats the brain tumours some kids grew up with."

"Damn." The soldier sat back. "I…I didn't realize. How many don't make it? After exposure." She blinked. "I-If you're comfortable talking about it, that is."

"Out of a hundred? Maybe sixty have no effect. Thirty suffer 'adverse effects'. Little things like brain cancer." The sentinel said softly, staring at his tea. "The other ten show enough ability to augment with implants. Not always permanent, though. Not like the cancer."

"Wait, biotics can fade?" Shepard asked, her eyes widening.

"Yeah. Sometimes a kid'll start out with biotics, but then they fizzle out and they're left with a hunk of useless metal in their head." He replied.

"Shit." She cursed.

A brief, awkward silence settled over them. Shepard felt awful; sure, her early life had been rough, but she hadn't had a lottery of whether she would be born with cancer or not. And what she'd heard of Kaidan's implant…The man was lucky. Or maybe just stubborn.

The Commander frowned slightly, remembering the cynical edge to his voice as he spoke about the accidental exposures. Was there more to this?

"Is…there some question to how you were exposed?" She asked, tentatively.

"My mother was downwind of a transport crash in Singapore." Kaidan said. As she began to open her mouth, he added: "My mom is Singaporean, but I was born in Canada. Not unusual now, how easy it is to cross Earth." Shepard nodded. "Anyway, it was before there were human biotics. A little after the discovery of the Martian ruins. That was definitely an accident. Mechanical failure and pilot error." He took a drink. "It only gets iffy around '63 when Conatix was running out of first gen subjects."

"You."

He nodded.

"Bunch of guys in suits show up at your door after school. Next thing you know, you're out on Jump Zero. How's a kid supposed to deal with that? A station on the edge of human space?"

"Jump Zero? That's Gargarin Station, isn't it?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, that's the official name." Kaidan replied. "Biggest and farthest facility we had for decades. Right on the termination shock, the outer edge of the solar system. It's where they did all the goose chase FTL research, before we caught on to using mass effect fields. It was a sterile research platform when I was there." He let out a long breath out of his nose. "The grand gateway to humanity looks a lot better in the vids."

Again, Akeelah sensed Kaidan was not telling her everything. She could understand that; she was hiding a few things from her past too.

"You said things get 'iffy' in 2163 about biotic exposures," she said. "Do you know of any intentional exposures for certain?"

The biotic drew himself up in his chair, his dark eyes boring into hers.

"No-one 'knows'," he said. "Doesn't mean they didn't happen. As big as the exposures were, it was hard to track down accidentals." His voice dropped. "It was different back then. No-one knew the potential, so there wasn't a lot of regulation. Anything Conatix did was gold. I'm not saying they intentionally detonated drives over our outposts. But in retrospect, they were damn quick on the scene."

"Hmm." Shepard frowned. The Lieutenant certainly knew his stuff. It wasn't surprising, considering, but she couldn't shake the feeling she was getting a window on a completely different world. One with very dark and ugly corners.

Deciding to move on from that thought, she asked:

"There were other kids in the same boat though, right? At least you weren't alone out there."

"That's true." He nodded, his half-smile returning. "We did have a little circle that'd get together every night before lights out. We didn't have much to do; like I said, Jump Zero was a research platform then, and Conatix kept it off the extranet. To prevent leaks."

"Then you must've had plenty of time to get to know each other," she said, a smile playing on her lips.

"Yeah. We'd sit around and bull every night after dinner, play cards or network games."

"Anything else?" Shepard asked. "You were all teenagers. I'm sure you found 'other' ways to occupy the time…" She grinned at him.

She couldn't resist a giggle when the sentinel raised an eyebrow at her, and he seemed unable to resist smiling at her for that, shaking his head.

"I'm not the sort of man who does that kind of thing, Commander," he said, before his voice became serious. "Not lightly, anyway." He paused a moment, his gaze lingering on her as he seemed to consider something.

"There was a girl I spent a lot of time with," he continued, "but we kept our clothes on. Rahna. She had a little circle grow up around her. She was from Turkey, her family was very rich. But she was smart, and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it." Kaidan blinked slowly, his gaze steady on Shepard's. "Like you, I guess." He realized what he'd said, and ducked his head shyly. "Ma'am."

Akeelah smiled, feeling heat rush into her face at the compliments he'd given her. Maybe under the guise of describing Rahna, but still…

"Sounds like she was special to you." The soldier said.

"She was." Kaidan admitted softly, looking down at his cup. "Maybe she felt the same, but…" He shook his head. "Things never fell together. Training. You know." He glanced up at her, as if he was hoping she would believe that explanation.

"I understand." Shepard just said. He obviously cared for Rahna, and if it hurt him to talk about her, then she wouldn't pry. He didn't deserve it.

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at her reply.

"Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual talk, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago," he said, a half smile on his lips.

"It's no biggie." Shepard smiled. "It was nice to get to know you a little better, Kaidan. Thank you."

He blinked.

"Well, you're welcome, ma'am." He gave her a long, assessing look. "You make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

"I like to know the people I have at my back." Shepard explained. "But I don't like to learn as much about people as I have with you." She smiled. "We should talk like this again, if you like."

Something changed in the biotic's amber brown eyes, and Akeelah could have sworn she could see a little blush on his olive skinned cheeks.

"I'll, uh-" He began eloquently. "I'll need some time to process that, Commander. But yeah," a small smile graced his lips, "I'd like that."

Akeelah smiled back, feeling her heart jump a little.

"Well, I should leave you, Lieutenant. Reports wait for no-one," she said, climbing to her feet. "I'll see you around."

"Aye aye, Commander." Came the sentinel's warm reply as she headed to her cabin.

 _So, I may have just gone and flirted with my Staff Lieutenant,_ she thought. _And he flirted back. How deep in shit am I, on a scale from one to ten? Probably a nine._

She sat down heavily at her terminal, running her hand through her brown hair. _I shouldn't do this. The regs say no, and his career is fucked if we're found out._

" _She was smart, and charming as hell,"_ Kaidan's words echoed in her mind. _"Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you, ma'am."_

Akeelah smiled. She loved a compliment as much as the next person, but there was something about it coming from Kaidan that just…thrilled her. Made her blush, and shy.

 _God, I have a crush on Kaidan Alenko._ She chuckled to herself, shaking her head. _Just my luck. Shakedown run goes horribly wrong and I'm on a mission to catch a rogue Spectre, and I just have to go and get a crush on my Staff Lieutenant. Bloody hell._


End file.
